


Clocks Go Forward

by andyouknowitis



Series: It's a beautiful sound, It's a beautiful noise. [3]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 12:47:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16598186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andyouknowitis/pseuds/andyouknowitis
Summary: One year. And in that year his whole life.





	Clocks Go Forward

_The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older._

_-Roger Waters._

 

_November 9 th 2017_

_Tick._

Spring forward. Fall back.

It's the story of Robert's life.

He's standing at his father's grave as Autumn falls towards Winter around him.

He has a child. A son. It doesn't quite feel real. But it feels like _something._ The first thing he's actually let himself feel since the day Aaron asked him to leave The Mill all those months ago, Robert's hand gripped tightly around the cool metal of Aaron's ring.

Time has spiralled since then. More scheming than sense. One day into another. Until he found himself at this day.

This day.

He wonders now if his father felt like this the day Robert left all those years ago. Doing something that hurts because he thinks it's the right thing. Sometimes he questions if Jack cared for him at all. Maybe he loved him. He knows that he did really. But loving is not the same as understanding. Did he really ever truly understand or care about who Robert was? Did he want to? Robert's never sure when he thinks of it. Of him. Which he tries not to too often.

Is this caring that he feels now for this tangle of atoms that is a baby he didn't want?

It's something.

*

_Tick._

So he stays because he doesn't want this child to one day ask the questions he does now. He never wants him to doubt that he cared, even as he feels shame, _such an ugly word_ , for how he felt before.

The weeks blur like snow and he tries to be better. To be more. To be that part of him that Aaron had believed in once. To be what Seb deserves. It's what he has left. All he has. And now Rebecca wants to take that too.

He can't let it happen.

*

_Tick._

In the end he's able to keep Seb close and it's Aaron he has to let go of.

He holds on with cool fingers to the better person he's trying to become. The person Seb needs him to be. The person Aaron seems to believes he is, even after everything Robert has done.

To the person he wishes he was.

*

_Tick._

Christmas Day had broken him apart. A February night in late Winter put him back together again.

In the weeks between those two turning points in his life, time ebbed and flowed with little meaning beyond trying to balance the demands of running the business, while dealing with the shock and aftermath of the accident, learning how to be a hands-on father, and most of all trying to push down the pain he felt watching another man with his husband.

All while feeling like he was pretty much failing on all fronts.

There was strain.

And then there was Aaron.

*

_Spring_

When Aaron was in prison Robert used to watch the clock.

Digits lit up by the harsh glare of his phone against the darkness, on those many nights he had laid there on the too small sofa in the back room of the pub, all alone. Numbers ticking by, each one another minute that he felt helpless to do something, _anything,_ that would bring his husband back home.

Every hour they were apart, then and after. After everything they'd been through already. He'd hated it.

Part of him hated it even now. Hated himself still for being the cause of making those weeks become months apart. Hated the reminder of all the days lost to them.

Now he wishes his days were longer.

He'd been trying to get a handle on balancing all the time he needed to keep his life here, in the spot just next to perfect that it had been in for the past few weeks, ever since the night they'd gotten back together. That beautiful night that promised a future he'd been so afraid to take back again. His skin prickled with the guilt of feeling so much happiness when the cost had been someone else's despair. It was something his past self wouldn't have cared about, but the person he was, or at least the one he hoped he was becoming, tried so much harder not to hurt people. Not on purpose anyway.

When Bex had given primary care of Seb over to them in the wake of her condition and the almost fire that he doesn't want to even think about, he'd been at turns terrified of being a full-time parent, yet tentatively thrilled that he finally got to be a bigger part of Seb's daily life, just as he was finally starting to get the hang of it. Not just for himself, but for Aaron, so much for Aaron too, who was an absolute natural with him, and to Robert's mind a better Dad already than Robert could ever hope to be. And best of all he wasn't trying to do it all alone any more. There was no way he'd have been able to continue on the way he had been before. Struggling to manage alone. Worn out. And heartbroken.

So he was happy. So, so happy. Even if a full night's sleep still felt like a distant memory.

Not that life hadn't been without it's own dramas even since then, because their life was a continuing one it seemed. There in the haze and high of being back together; of being able to touch, sleep, have, hold and just be with one another, they'd faced fear and loss once more.

Maybe they were just that couple; always a little intense, veering from one catastrophe to the next, escaping always, if not quite unscathed, then always stronger for it. Disaster he might be, but with Aaron by his side, he'd take on whatever came his way, even it was as ridiculous as erstwhile kidnappers, who nonetheless had the very real effect of him all but losing his livelihood. Thank God they still had the roof over their head at least. As much as the legalities ensured things were actually in Liv's name in that respect, he still didn't trust Joe Tate as far as he could throw him. Certainly not to try and still manipulate things somehow to get his hands on The Mill if he really wanted to. Much worse was what he had done to ensure Liv had ended up in young offenders in the first place. Robert's face darkened as the screen in front of him went blank from inactivity. He hadn't forgotten that. Nor would he forgive it, but bide his time and focus his energies where he could be the best use right now.

He sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck, stretching a little. All told Tate's little power trip still meant Robert could no longer come and go as he pleased if he wanted to keep a regular wage coming in, and with things so uncertain they needed not to rock that particular boat just now. The haulage business was doing well enough, but as ever, there was a shortage of drivers on and tons to organise. Consequently, he'd been swamped with work lately, had been for weeks now. So he put the hours in. Gift horses and all that. He was that happy he'd been able to sneak Aaron away for _that night_ in that hotel at least, a precious few hours to themselves, much needed, a moment that held them steady. His skin hummed at the thought, lost in the memories of the kisses his husbands lips would allow him and where.

_Hark at you, sighing like a teenage boy over a lad who'd give you the time of day._

Time (if not kissing) was always at a premium these days, with a baby not yet a year old who was slap bang in the middle of teething and a teenager who needed every moment they could spare to be there for her too, as and when. And so time slipped on and often away. Fuck, he'd even resented it when the clocks changed a few weeks back, one less hour in bed with Aaron was a travesty for all concerned. Especially these days when they had to grab it when they could, so to speak. Even if Liv did find them a bit much now and then. And okay yes, they really did have to fix the lock to the downstairs toilet properly.

He knew Liv was worried about her exam results. It was hard enough tackling your GCSES even without the upheaval she'd been through. They'd see what her options were come results time, but either way he was so proud of her for making it work under less than stellar conditions, and then coming home to the loss of Gerry, as she did. Well, he was beyond proud, even if his heart ached for her. He'd been so pleased to have her back home, a family again. He could admit to spoiling her more than a bit when it came to buying her some new clothes (ones that she didn't have to associate with being inside), or letting her win in the fight for the remote against Aaron most nights, not that Aaron hadn't made him pay for those times in his own way later, and well, a man had to get his entertainment somehow. He smiled to himself. And boy had he been thoroughly entertained.

He was glad Aaron was able to take Liv away now for a much earned break like he'd suggested, even if money being as it was meant it was more a road trip up north and a cheap last minute deal somewhere if they could swing it. Maybe they could manage a few days in France and get the Eurostar over in a few weeks and spend a few days all of them together once things settled down at work. Not that they weren't getting many a hot day here too, that bastion of an English summer, the mini heatwave, had now become weeks of sticky heat, which signalled barbecues at the ready whenever the sun hit gardens across the village and yes maybe even fucked up his skin a little in the process, nice as the long summer days were. Still, all told it was all less fun on his own and what with everything going on with Sarah being in hospital just now, he didn't think any of the family would be up for anything either.

And so he missed them. And he at least had dreams enough to keep him until they came home.

_Christ, listen to yourself Sugden. They've barely been gone a few days. Separation anxiety much?_

Well, gone they were and he'd have to console himself with a cold beer on his lonesome now and then. Seb would have to do likewise with his bottle until they got back. And he didn't kid himself that Seb wouldn't kick up a fuss and scream blue murder after the next couple of days had passed neither, not once it became clear Aaron definitely wasn't around to hold him, or rock him to sleep just now. _Baby whisperer indeed._

Robert sighed as he looked down at the tablet in front of him while he scrolled through yet more paperwork. At least the nature of the scrapyard meant that work would accumulate while they were away. They'd been having a bit of a think in the wake of losing Gerry, but it was too hard to even think about taking someone else on to help, much less afford it for the time being, never mind what it might mean for the business going forward. Still, time enough to think on that when they got back, and besides, taking to the road meant Aaron and Liv could check in on any bits that might do for scrap on the way up to see Lisa, if need be. Maybe arrange for bigger things to be collected by Robert later, if it came to it. The work would be waiting for Aaron when he got back. Perks of being your own boss that.

He grimaced slightly. With the haulage business now, not so much. He'd been gutted he'd had to miss Gerry's funeral as it was, but with Jimmy's recent health issues, he couldn't fill in on the long runs the way he had done before, so Robert had to step in last minute on a run to Brussels when one of their drivers went down ill, just to keep things ticking over. Joe still wasn't lifting a finger for his part, other than to prance about the cabin trying to antagonise him now and then, when he deigned them with his presence at all that was. Robert was mostly steadfastly ignoring him for the time being. He tapped his pen against the edge of his tablet. His time would come.

He was glad at least, that he'd been there to raise a glass and share tales of Gerry in The Woolie with those who'd mattered to him. So many stories for so short a time. Even if that Terry, or whatever his real name was, had soured even that memory somewhat. _Wanker._

Nonetheless. He'd said goodbye in his own way.

Perhaps the sun shone more brightly now in these new days of summer, and for all that he'd annoyed him no end sometimes, Robert knew all their lives would be darker without Gerry Roberts in it.

*

_Summer_

Robert shoved a half slice of pizza into Aaron's mouth to silence him as they both stumbled into the darkness to hide when they heard the tell tale sound of a key twisting in the lock.

Aaron's voice was both muffled and pissed off as he swallowed it down. “Fuck sake.”

Robert's mouth twitched. “Sake? No. You? I was trying.”

“Shut up. And stop smirking,” Aaron huffed out.

“You shush. And you don't know what my face is doing.”

Aaron rolled his eyes and sure enough Robert knew he was, just the same, despite the lack of light. Aaron shifted restlessly against him. “Thought she was staying at Gabby's tonight.”

Robert shrugged, swaying them both slightly with the movement, his voice pitched to a whisper just as Aaron's was. “Said she was, didn't she? I thought she'd got the message to be honest when I texted her Diane had Seb tonight and we were gonna stick on Netflix and have some pizza.”

Aaron sounded grudgingly amused. “Pizza code for sex now, is it?”

Robert smirked. “For us? I think so. Anyhow, I thought Netflix was?”

“It's Netflix _and chill_ , old man.”

“Y'know, I'd be more annoyed at that dig, if I weren't stood here with a man with his boxers still around his knees, whose cock has not long left my mouth.” Robert clicked his tongue. “Still works fine, doesn't it? Old or not.”

“Think we all know your mouth is the one thing that'll never stop working, Sugden.”

They stood there silently for another minute, ears straining to hear over the muted sounds on the other side of the door. They listened as the tv was switched on alongside the familiar thump of Liv's bag meeting the floor.

Another huff of breath from Aaron. “Fuck that. I was hoping she'd go up to her room.”

Robert shook his head, exasperated. “You really should have fixed the lock on that door by now, you know.”

“I should've? You're the one was meant to go into town yesterday and get the new doorknob for it,”

“No, _you're_ the one said you'd pick it up instead, because you had that scrap pick-up in Hotten and I had the doctors for my follow-up for the carbon monoxide.”

“Yeah well, now we're both stuck here. Dodgy knob an' all.” Aaron fired back.

Five seconds passed before they both erupted into muffled giggles which lead to a frantic manoeuvring of hands meeting mouths to try and contain the spill of laughter.

Robert tried to will away the feeling of dust tickling his nose, a wrinkle of which only served to remind him of their position. He hadn't missed the hitch in Aaron's breath, even as he'd dropped his hand from Robert's mouth. Robert kept his where it was.

He spoke into Aaron's ear again now, whisper low. “You smell like pepperoni.”

Aaron exhaled against the light pressure of Robert's fingers. Robert didn't need to be told that his own hand carried the scent of Aaron himself.

_He'll never be over it. This. This hum that lay between them. That he should have this. Someone who excited him in bed and out. And more than that, who loved him. Who showed it. After all he'd done. Sometimes he feels like the stain of his years away will never leave him. The years where those who touched him never really reached him. Not all of him. Never all. And yet with Aaron he feels everything he never thought he could. He feels clean. And safe. And home._

This evening was supposed to be a bit of time for them to re-connect properly after being separated for far longer than they'd planned, what with Aaron getting Chickenpox when he was away and Robert ending up in hospital (again!) to be treated for the carbon monoxide poisoning. And that was before they even got into worrying about Liv being alright, with everything that had been happening. All told he'd not really felt up to it until today and so had made short work of getting the pizzas in the oven and Aaron's jeans around his ankles when he'd gotten home this afternoon, kissing the remnants of those Chickenpox scars, putting his hands where his mouth couldn't reach, weeks apart built up into desperation. It was little wonder they hadn't made it upstairs.

Robert let his hand slide down from Aaron's lips and onto the side of his neck now, elbows knocking together, as he found his voice again, thumb stroking softly. “You alright?”

He can feel Aaron's nod, even if he can't see it. “Yeah.”

Another minute passed. They'd been almost caught in worse places granted, not least in the early days. At least this was warm. He shuddered as memories of his bare arse and the barn flashed into his mind. Worth it, though. Every time. Still. Here they were. Again. It was barely more than a broom cupboard squeezed into the corner of the downstairs bathroom. Into it went the proverbial broom for when they deigned to sweep the main hallway, the spare hoover for when they couldn't be arsed dragging the fancy Dyson from upstairs down the steps, and the ironing board that rarely got used these days when just keeping Seb in clean clothes became the priority. Basically all manner of things they hadn't sorted proper storage out for yet and whatever other crap they couldn't agree on a place for. Or more accurately where Aaron chucked things when he fell foul of Robert's nagging about what was an acceptable level of tidy around the flat. The pasta maker had crept back out onto the kitchen full time when Robert had moved back in, along with a few other things, but it was still a mess of one thing and another. The biggest problem right now being that it directly faced the bathroom door which had a tendency to swing open if it wasn't shut properly (fucking defective doorknob), which in turn meant it put them right in the eyeline of anyone sitting on the sofa or at the kitchen table. It was snug at the best of times, but with two of them crammed into it along with all the other stuff it was decidedly cramped.

Aaron sighed as another small shift made him wriggle uncomfortably. “I dunno what that is pressed up against my backside, and I'm not sure I want to find out.”

“Spare spiraliser probably.” Robert replied absently as he angled his head trying to lean against the cupboard door to hear anything from the front room.

“You what?”

Robert turned his head back. “We've a spare one because I got another when I was at Vic's. Didn't like to ask for stuff after, well you know. Anyhow, I think it's mostly kitchen shit on that shelf, so.”

He could almost hear Aaron's brow furrow. “The curly vegetable thing with the turny handle?”

“That's the one.”

Aaron's voice was gruff but amused. “I'd ask where you find this stuff, but I've seen you and that shopping channel.”

“Oi. You want dinner tomorrow or not? Leave me and my gadgets alone ta.”

“Alright, Q.”

Robert choked out a muffled laugh in the darkness, delighted. He could hear Aaron clear his throat before he spoke again.

“What? I can make geeky references too you know. You've made me watch enough times.”

“I know.”

They were both silent for a moment.

“Here,” Robert mused. “Is this better or worse than the time Charity walked in on us?”

“Can we stop talking about _any_ of my family members walking in on us? Ta.”

“Although to be fair it was more than once.”

“Robert.”

“But the shower one stands out a bit because of th-”

“Do you ever shut up though?” Aaron's voice rose inadvertently. They both froze as the sound of the tv went off in the other room.

A painstaking minute passed. Then another.

Nothing happened.

Robert sighed in relief.

“You know that night?” Aaron asked softly.

“Which?”

“Valentine's night.”

“Oh right, yeah.”

“I thought this is where you were, when I'd figured out you'd gone in the bathroom I mean.”

“Really?” Robert grinned. “I wonder would we have got back together sooner if I had stayed here that night.” Robert mused.

Aaron ducked his head. “I knew we would. Kept trying not to want it. You. But that night. After that night, I knew.”

Robert kissed his temple quietly with a soft hum, no more to be said.

Another minute passed. Then two.

“Shit.” Robert hissed softly.

“What?”

“I think I left the oven on. Maybe I should text her. Tell her we popped out to, I dunno, the shops?”

“Aaron huffed out another sigh. “Do you even have your phone?”

“Yeah.” Robert frowned. “I think. Back pocket. Check for me.”

Aaron slid his hand down, groping in the dark. Robert's belt buckle might have been undone and his zipper down, but at least his jeans were still by and large where they should be. Even if his phone wasn't.

“Nope.” Aaron confirmed.

Robert sighed again. Probably down the back of the sofa, like his plans for this night were. “What now then? Wait it out until she leaves, or goes to bed?”

Aaron shook his head. “No.” Another head shake. “No, fuck that, we're adults. She's sixteen, she knows we have sex. We just need to...go out there. One of us anyway. Move quickly. Close the bathroom door over for a minute.”

Robert scoffed. “Okay, you go then. Just go ahead and tell her I was sucking you off an' all.”

Neither moved.

Then both jumped when a loud knock sounded near Robert's head.

Liv's voice came loud and clear through the door.

“I wish I could pretend I hadn't just heard that and won't need my brain bleaching, but you messed up anyway, because I figured it out two minutes ago. Was just waiting on you both. See how long it took.”

There was a moment of agonised silence.

“How?” Aaron croaked out after a beat.

“Your jeans are lying in a heap under the sofa, Aaron. Saw them when I was picking up Teddy, who was wedged underneath there too by the way. Saw his arm sticking out and investigated. Also, can I just ask, do you two make a habit of hiding out in here, or is it just that the cupboard's actually a thing, because I'd rather not have to fetch anything from it in the future if it is.”

“Why do you think we call it the messy cupboard?” Robert quipped, his mouth running off before he engaged his brain. Aaron pinched his arse swiftly in retaliation, where his hand still lay from the fruitless phone search.

Liv tsked in disgust. “Oh gross, you two. TMI.” Robert could tell she was shrugging. “Anyway, I'm not stupid. I did realise you two needed some... _time._ And I am actually going to Gabby's. I was just waiting for her to text me to come over because she got held up in town. I just thought you two were upstairs at first. Anyhow, I'll drop Teddy into Diane's on my way over.”

“Thanks, for that. For everything.” Robert replied after a moment's silence.

Liv paused again awkwardly. “Okay so, should I still come back early tomorrow for Sunday lunch or...”

Robert cleared his throat. “Yeah, yeah of course you should.” Another pause. “I'm doing chicken.”

“With Yorkshires?” Liv sounded interested now.

Robert's smile was in his voice. “Of course, they're your favourite.”

Liv sounded pleased. “Well, thanks then.” Another pause. “Maybe you're forgiven.” That pause again. “Not you, Aaron.”

Robert laughed then, the sound bright against the darkness. “To be fair to him Liv, it's not his fault. I am devastatingly handsome after all and he's only human, so...”

Liv laughed right back, despite herself. “If you say so.”

Robert was unrepentant. “I do. I do say so.”

Aaron will tell him a few weeks later, that it was right there, at that moment, that he decided to propose to him.

*

_Autumn._

He feels like if he were to look back on this period in his life, on these past few weeks, that most people would think it could be summed up in two words: Lachlan and Rebecca.

But instead, in spite of all that, as crazy as it was, it and everything that went with it, it's two other words that he'll think of most when he remembers this particular time: Wedding and Husband.

Finally, legally, unequivocally, out there for all to see, Aaron is his husband.

His husband. Twice over.

Aaron Sugden-Dingle.

_His husband._

_His husband._

_His husband._

His husband who still didn't hang stuff up half the time. He frowned as he picked up yet another one of Aaron's hoodies that made it to the armchair but rarely to the hooks behind the door. Still, looking around, Robert had to concede Aaron was getting better at picking up the vast amount of toys that were strewn daily around the flat. One trip to Ikea for a couple of storage boxes had fixed that one rightly, although he'd deny if asked, that he'd ever set foot in it in his life. Aaron feigned innocence at the ever increasing volume of aforementioned toys that showed up and made vague noises about them coming from Rebecca's in the baby bag. Robert knew better and loved him for it. This man who grieved a baby sister and still taught him new ways to be a father every day. Even the very worst of dirty nappies didn't so much as phase him these days. Wonders, indeed, never ceased. Was it any wonder, in fact, that Robert had wanted him to adopt Seb when it came down to it? He'd never known a better Dad than Aaron.

*

_November 9 th 2018_

Summer ends. Autumn leaves. Winter waits.

_He'd never known a better Dad than Aaron._

Clocks go forward, just like life does, time lost to them all under the hands of existence. Time can't go backwards no matter how much the clocks change. Life changes instead in moments and in heartbeats, each one taking you to the next.

In birthdays.

He lies awake once again in the almost silence.

Only now he's not the only one that can't sleep.

The monitor he can't bring himself to switch off captures no more than suffocating quiet.

His fingers find Aaron's in the darkness. They're cold. A whisper of a memory then.

_Here let me. His bottle keeps 'em warm y'know._

And the cuddles. Robert thinks. The cuddles did too.

The bottles lie empty now and winter is coming. An irrational part of him wants to laugh. Stark times indeed. The cold is creeping up the window as winter walks back into his life. Outside the night grows more bitter and the light of morning takes longer to be seen.

And once more he can hear the ticking of the clock.

*

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. Canon made me do it.
> 
> But.
> 
> Look how far they've come! I have faith that come new year I'll be writing a happier installment yet again. Either that or I'll be standing outside Emmerdale HQ doing my best Jean ValJean impression. #BringHimHome
> 
> This part covers a longer scale of time and thus includes the two previous parts within the timeline. Here I just wanted to look at the difference a year can make in their lives. I've by and large followed the astronomical seasons (Equinox/Solstice) for the dates/time periods things fell into, as I'm about that life, with reference to BST (British Summer Time) and when the clocks change in March and October annually.
> 
> Lyrics at the beginning are from Pink Floyd's song [Time](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rL3AgkwbYgo), because, well, you get it by now.
> 
> And finally, my great love of, this, the smallest of details, that gave us Robron's Messy Cupboard. I've always highkey wondered what that door in The Mill on the other side of their fireplace led to, and after the Valentine's Day episode where Robert dashes in there to hide, I was ecstatic when we finally learned it's a bathroom when we found out that Robert did a runner out the window (as per their conversation the next day). So I did what my brain does and decided the messy cupboard is in there because really I a) Love the idea of it just being this massive hotchpotch of things a la Monica's secret closet in Friends and b) Sexy time inside it? Messy indeed. And tres Robron. 
> 
> Anyhoo I hope this tangle of words makes sense. Even if like the cupboard, they're a touch messy.
> 
> Oh and finally a trip into the messy cupboard for you, if you correctly guess the reference in the summary  
> x


End file.
